Creating a more Hospitable Atmosphere in our Shuls
This past summer I was visiting a particular city (which shall remain nameless) where I found myself in an interesting predicament. Earlier that morning I had davened at one shul and then proceeded to walk over to a different shul to meet some people. As I arrived at the second shul and walked into the lobby, I found that I had inadvertently come in during the middle of the rabbi’s speech. I had a moment to make a snap decision- I could either hang out in the lobby and wait for the rabbi to finish, or I could quietly go inside the shul to hear the second half of the rabbi’s sermon. I chose the latter option.
Boy, what a big mistake.
I crept into the shul and quickly took the first seat I could find. All of the sudden I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and the gentleman sitting behind me started pointing to the door. Apparently this particular door does not close automatically and I had left it slightly ajar. He continued pointing to the door and motioned that I had better close it. Of course, had this person simply closed the door for me, it would have been far easier than trying to communicate with me and demonstrate to me the obvious errors of my ways in the middle of the rabbi’s speech. Embarrassed, I got up and made my way to the door and closed it firmly. As I returned to my seat I noticed that this man slyly traded a confident look and smile with his friends and nodded his head as if to say “I showed him”. Sadly, as many of us know, this type of behavior occurs far too frequently in many Orthodox shuls across the country.
I was so upset by these actions that I was immediately taken back to one of the most uncomfortable moments I have ever experienced in an Orthodox shul. Years ago I had been working with a family who was coming closer to Yiddishkeit. After much persuasion the family reached the decision to have their son’s Bar Mitzvah in an Orthodox shul. I was so excited, this was going to be such a wonderful occasion, a true Kiddush Hashem.
During services the proud bar mitzvah boy launched into mussaf in an eager sing song voice. I personally thought it was beautiful, but davening started to take longer than the usual shul goers were accustomed to. So, to pass the time these men began to sing along with the bar mitzvah boy, but in a way that was clearly mocking him. I do not believe I have ever felt such disgust or repugnance in my life. We need to care about every Jew and strive to make our synagogues open to all! We must not have smirks on our faces, rather loving smiles for all Jews no matter what their abilities or knowledge. I believe it is incumbent upon all of us to strive to make our shuls a more welcoming place.
Thank -You for your important comments. The sad thing is as a child I had one to many bad experiences at shul. I feel treating all people with respect Jew or non Jew is clearly a lesson from the Torah. To humillate someone is a major crime.Moshe was was great leader and the most humble Jew that ever lived. Please Creat a more Hospitable Atmosphere in our Shuls.Welcome the new person find him or her a siddur shake hands with everybody not just people you know.
I am thankful that my son who
has made the decision to be shomer shabbos has had only wounderful helpful people on his journey to becoming truly Torah observant.Posted by Michael on 10/06 at 12:12 PMThe attitudes found in many Orthodox shuls reflects the general insular perspetive of the community. Shul is not a place for all Jews to come and worship together rather a place for people who are deemed to belong to the community. I think people treat their shul more like an exclusive county club than a place for communal worship.
Posted by allan on 10/13 at 10:38 AMagreed. My shul is just like that. When we were new, not one person tried to make us feel welcome by inviting us for chag/shabbos meals. Nothing. But when someone important arrived (i.e. lawyer or company manager) they were quick to kiss up to them. That is very disgusting behavior! Not to mention, to this day, people gossip amongst each other and divide who they talk to and who they ignore (even you say “good shabbos” to them). Ahavat Yisrael, not having sinat hina is much more important than to be shomer shabbos like they say they are.
Posted by Shimon on 10/20 at 07:44 PM
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